Trying

trying

  I don't believe I recieved the attention I deserved for my issues. I had/have no children, I married and was/am not working(ie not steady and no pay). I have difficulty staying awake. When I am awake I am foggy and fade quickly. I have heard all the advice and possible illnesses. I still run into doctors who say fibromyalgia is a trash can diagnosis. Well, now I am caring for my two nieces. One is 11 the other is 5. The 5 yr. old has developmental delays. The parents (divorced and a step-parent) aren't really able to provide for the kids either monetarily or emotionally. I have stepped up but it feels like I am (pardon the overuse of a phrase) a 1 legged woman in an ass-kicking contest. My appologies to all 1 legged women. I am worn out all the time to verying degrees. I can't remember names of people I know on a regular basis. I don't know where I am going with any certainty. I am on autopilot for almost everything and my goal is just to get through it. I compare myself to other people and feel like I'm sinking. I can go from a "I don't give damn" to have anxiety attacks, especially at night, through-out the night till I get out of bed. I know I should be on my antidepressant and anxiety meds but I cannot seem to get to my doctor. I am too tired, I do not drive and anything that HAS to be done is for the girls. The meds will help me cope with my feelings of failure but do not solve my problem of fatigue, brain fog and overall distractions. I have come to the conclusion I am calling to schedule an appointment with my doctor tomarrow. Then as time goes on I am going on the warpath with the nonbelievers and the ignorant, arrogant  doctors who are a hinderence to helping me achieve the best life possible for me and those who need and love me.

a little bit of this and little bit of that

  I am going to begin at the beginning. This post is not going to much of anything but my attempt to put put my fingers to the keyboard.   I am person who can be into butterflies one day and raging against the Man the next.   I want this blog to reflect my love of my family and the craziness they bring.   I am person who learns as she goes.   I truly have to "do it my way."    I am not a control freak but I am not good at coloring in the lines.   That brings me great joy but also may cause me pain.   Fibromyalgia is a undesirable entity in my life for now.  It is a blessing and a curse.   Being unable to play the game they way others has brought me to appreciate life.   To enjoy what I have and not let the wants of the world pull me in.   I simplify my life and it brings me great joy.   It seems though that others have this need to make sure everyone is doing what they think needs done.   I don't awnser to them.  I love honest opinionated people. I hope my blog does a little bit amusing , a little bit of learning and provides a view into my world.